Through the miracle of android, I have now convinced myself that blogging will not be a strenuous affair. With impending FUNemployment, I will have ample time to go around and post entries on this little space once again.

Smells kinda musty, but it feels good to be back again.

I am scared of many things. Heights. Roaches that fly. Crossing the street on roads that are more than 4 lanes. Drowning. Humiliation. Disappointment. Change.

It has been six months since my first day here in Manila. I still remember being scared, going in through the front doors of the school. I would be meeting new people. Learning new things. It really did feel like leaping from a cliff towards depths unknown. I was fearing change.

Each day was a challenge. This new environment was exhilarating. The people were different. Everything was on a pace too fast to catch up, I thought. But slowly, I learned to keep up. I had to, or else, I would be left behind.

My stay here in Manila taught me many things.

It taught me to be real. If i couldn't be true to myself, then I would just be carried away, be swayed by the masses, be unoriginal. I needed to stand my ground and be myself first before going out and making a mark out there in the world.

It taught me that everything has more than one face. That not everything that glitters is gold. Manila might be gritty and dirty, tall and hard-edged. But you will be amazed at the people, trying their best to survive in this urban wilderness, with hope in their hearts that everything will be okay the next day.

It also taught me that, even in the most unusual places, you will discover something amazing.

In only a considerably short stay here, I never imagined that I would find friends. These people never made me feel any less because I came from a different city, or a different social background, or because I couldn't speak Tagalog perfectly. They accepted me for who I am.

I am grateful to these handful of people, because they taught me that no matter where you are in the world, if you are true to yourself, then similar-minded people will gravitate to you.

They also taught me that change isn't that bad. Maybe at first it might be, but after all the twists and turns, eventually everything will be fun again.

School never would have been this much fun if it weren't for these crazy people.

Now as I prepare to go back home, I will definitely bring with me all the lessons (and the craziness) you have given me.

Thanks for making this crazy roller coaster a much, much more enjoyable ride.

See you real soon!

My sincerest apologies, blog. I have been neglecting you.

It's not that I didn't have anything to report, but quite the opposite, I have been caught in a whirlwind of events that made me neglectful of my duties to you, oh beloved blog.

And if not for my friends at fashion school (what? what fashion school? oh, I will tell you all the details, my dear) who decided to show each others blog like a game of "show-and-tell", I have been persuaded to rejuvenate my blog-blood.

And so, in the next few weeks, I will be bombarding you with entries that I hope will entertain you and inform you.

And yes, I miss you, old friend.

Love, Joejoe :D

I considered myself lucky, in a sense that when I was growing up, my family did not force me into a box to conform the norms of society.

Back in elementary, I did not gravitate towards the boys playing tag out in the field, but I stayed inside the classroom, playing paper dolls with the girls.

I had my first love when I entered 6th Grade. He was my first and greatest love. And somehow I still carry that torch.

I knew my parents knew something was... Different. But they never made a huge fuss over it.

I opened up to my dad about me being gay when I was 18. I knew he was hurt. I knew he was scared for me. But like a man, I showed him that I can be tough and take all the difficulties that comes along with being gay.

I opened up to my mom just this year. I know she was hurt and scared too. And still she does not believe. But I know she already knew about it. And I will prove to her that I am strong. I will make her proud.

My sisters know about me being gay. And they still love me for it.

I know I am blessed.

But other people are not as lucky as me.

Discrimination is all around. In school, at work, and even within their families.

The same discrimination that lead countless people to end their lives, because they thought they cannot bear it any longer.

I can't help but think that, if I did not have the love my family gave me, would I be just another headline on the morning paper? To be talked about in hushed tones, laced with fake regret, telling anybody who is willing to listen that "he was 'SAYANG'"?

I know it is difficult. I am being discriminated as I am, for being FAT, which I know I can change.

But what about being GAY? You simply cannot change being gay. It is not a switch you can simply turn off. It is NOT a choice. It is what we ARE. Being discriminated for being gay is like being discriminated for being ASIAN, for being BLACK, for being a JEW, for being MUSLIM, for being CRIPPLE, for being BLIND, for being WHAT YOU ARE.

To all my bothers and sisters who are experiencing discrimination in any shape or form, I tell you this.

IT GETS BETTER.

Its certainly difficult to believe that everything will be okay when you are in such a dark place right now. But believe me, it will get better.

You might feel alone right now, but you are not. There are millions of us who are still in the dark, trying to find our way out. Don't lose hope. Reach out, and you might just hold someone else's hand, who is also looking for the right path.

Amidst the tears and the heartaches and the hardships, there will always be smiles and laughter and happiness.

Keep smiling. Keep your chin up. And keep the flame burning bright.

You are not alone. You are loved.

I guess we all know that it is a universally accepted fact that appearances can be deceiving. Yet somehow, almost always, people assume that I'm something that I am most definitely not. One look at me, and the gears in their brains start turning. But most often than not, they are proven wrong. Sometimes its just funny, but most often then not, it is annoying as hell. Some examples are as follows:

- People think I am a snob.

I can't blame you. When I look at myself in the mirror in the morning, even I get scared. And even when I'm cleaned up, I still look mean.

And now that I have a mohawk, I look like I'm about to make victims out of innocent little babies. And that's just me trying to look "nice".

But seriously, I am not mean... Sometimes.

Kidding.

I may look mean maybe because I am huge (and this is NOT a sexual pun) and have this "annoyed bitch face" ON at all times. But do try to talk to me (and if you are attractive, make sure to leave your number) and I won't bite. Unless if I like you and you are into that thing... (now THIS is a sexual pun. but you didn't probably need my help in pointing that one out. i will shut up now...)

- People think that I am just another flaming faggot.

Well, I AM a flaming faggot. But what is wrong with being such? Being flamboyant doesn't mean I will go out and eat you and your family alive like a deranged zombie. It doesn't mean that I will rub off my flamboyant-ness on you and turn you gay. If you think being gay is an infestation and if that is how YOU think the world works, then clearly it is not me who needs help. I like to keep the flames of my faggotry burning brightly, thank you very much, and no bigot will keep me from being who I am.

Seriously. I have met a LOT of people claiming to be cool with the whole gay thing, but are like "Whoah man, don't go there, I'm not gay or anything." and this was coming from a guy who I was just trying to offer a cigarette! The nerve! Not all gays are after you! We are not as penis-hungry as you think we are!

 - People think that I am a promiscuous hoar.

1. Thanks. If you only knew. My sex life is as arid as the Australian Outback. It is as desolate as Somalia. It is in so much need of help that UN should start sending relief efforts. Angelina Jolie would probably want to adopt kids from it. Although I hope she brings Brad Pitt too.

2. You are giving me too much credit. Although I may look like a bitch, but when this bitch goes home at night (and sometimes this bitch breaks dawn),  this bitch goes home ALONE.

3. I wish.

 - People think I am shallow.

Yes. I am shallow. There. You win. PHBBBT! >:P

 - People think I am childish.

...See above.

 - People think I am funny.

I'm not funny. Although I try to be funny, and then miserably fail. Then the awkwardness comes in. And THEN it becomes funny. But I'm still not funny.

 - People think I am a voracious eater.

Yes. I will not even attempt to lie about it. Food is my addiction (together with Japanese Porn and RH). Honest. I will love you forever if you go out and food trip with me. Ginabot, kwek-kwek, siomai, lartian bbq, urgello bbq with the super yummy hot sauce, liempo. Those are a few of my favorite things. Thinking about it makes me get up and sing. While eating. And spinning around Marry Poppins style. Oh and CAKES too. Yum...

 - People think I am dumb.

Not as dumb as they are. Meh. Peons. What do they know. Hahaha! But seriously, I am blessed (or cursed, depends on the perspective) with really intelligent and witty friends. If I am being smartass about something, blame THEM. Although I can never compare to my friends. I am just the laughing track. But I'm still the prettiest. ^_^

AAAaand the list goes on.

People may think a lot of words to name me, to box me in, but I do not care. I am defined by what I am, what I do, and what I believe. NOT by what other people say about me. I will let them assume all they want. So let them come and talk about me. In my face, or behind my back.

Kevs.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Well, that's all right because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well, that's all right because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie. 

Like a moth to the flame, I always fall. Deep, hard, fast. With naivete and wonder I reach out, mesmerized by the light. But with fire, when you get too close, you burn. Pain rushes through, to the very edges of my being. Excruciating. Scarring. And yet I always manage to burn myself again and again. Never learning my lesson.

 

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Well, that's all right because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well, that's all right because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie.

 

You had all the right cards, I was on the loosing end. You said all the right words, and I was all ears. Riding on my insecurity, you pushed yourself in. Manipulative. Calculating. Villainous. But you were there for me. I loved every minute of it.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Well, that's all right because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well, that's all right because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie.

Sweet nectar laced with poison, this is what you are. Giving me joy. Killing me. Ecstasy surging thought my veins every time you hold me, kiss me. You gave to me what you were willing to give. I gave to you my all. I offered you my soul, you wanted more.

It's 6am Wednesday morning. I still haven't slept and my sinuses are on the verge of nuclear meltdown. There is nothing left for me to do but crash into bed but I had a feeling that I had to check a couple of blogs before I sleep. And surprise, surprise! Jessica Zafra had something interesting in store for her readers.

Shown above is the result I got after putting some paragraphs of my work on to a text analyzer, to which it would tell you who among the famous authors of lore you write like. The intriguing site could be accessed by clicking the link on the badge above OR you could click HERE.

His name really did not ring any bells (and YET I try to be a writer. For shame.) so I tried Googling his name. Trusting Wikipedia, I ventured forth and immersed myself in their article on the said author:

"Sri Lankabhimanya Sir Arthur Charles Clarke, CBE, FRAS (16 December 1917 – 19 March 2008) was a British science fiction author, inventor, and futurist, most famous for the novel 2001: A Space Odyssey, written in parallel of the script for the eponymous film, co-written with film-director Stanley Kubrick; and as a host and commentator in the British television series Mysterious World. For many years, Robert A. Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, and Arthur C. Clarke were known as the "Big Three" of science fiction."

So he made 2001: A Space Odyssey. That's nice. But then again I was more of a fan of the Fantasy genre. Reading on the rest of the article, a certain tidbit of information piqued my interest:

"On a trip to Florida in 1953 Clarke met and quickly married Marilyn Mayfield, a 22-year-old American divorcee with a young son. They separated permanently after six months, although the divorce was not finalised until 1964. "The marriage was incompatible from the beginning", says Clarke. Clarke never remarried but was close to Leslie Ekanayake, who died in 1977. In his biography of Stanley Kubrick, John Baxter cites Clarke's homosexuality as a reason why Clarke relocated, due to more tolerant laws in regards to homosexuality in Sri Lanka. Journalists who inquired of Clarke whether he was gay were told, "No, merely mildly cheerful." However, Michael Moorcock has written

Everyone knew he was gay. In the 1950s I'd go out drinking with his boyfriend. We met his proteges, western and eastern, and their families: people who had only the most generous praise for his kindness. Self-absorbed he might be, and a teetotaller, but an impeccable gent through and through.

Moorcook's assertion is not supported by other reports, although in an interview in the July 1986 issue of Playboy magazine, Clarke stated "Of course. Who hasn't?" when asked if he has had bisexual experiences."

So, we DO have something in common, other than our peculiar way of writing. Perhaps he was also a chronic procrastinator, but I doubt it. I will look into that later. At least he was featured in Playboy.

Thanks to Jessica Zafra for making my shitty and nasally painful day into a not-so shitty and nasally painful day.

May you have a great afterlife, Mr. Clarke. And I promise, I will read your book. Soon.

I wonder what he liked... Twinks or daddies? I prefer daddies.