I considered myself lucky, in a sense that when I was growing up, my family did not force me into a box to conform the norms of society.

Back in elementary, I did not gravitate towards the boys playing tag out in the field, but I stayed inside the classroom, playing paper dolls with the girls.

I had my first love when I entered 6th Grade. He was my first and greatest love. And somehow I still carry that torch.

I knew my parents knew something was... Different. But they never made a huge fuss over it.

I opened up to my dad about me being gay when I was 18. I knew he was hurt. I knew he was scared for me. But like a man, I showed him that I can be tough and take all the difficulties that comes along with being gay.

I opened up to my mom just this year. I know she was hurt and scared too. And still she does not believe. But I know she already knew about it. And I will prove to her that I am strong. I will make her proud.

My sisters know about me being gay. And they still love me for it.

I know I am blessed.

But other people are not as lucky as me.

Discrimination is all around. In school, at work, and even within their families.

The same discrimination that lead countless people to end their lives, because they thought they cannot bear it any longer.

I can't help but think that, if I did not have the love my family gave me, would I be just another headline on the morning paper? To be talked about in hushed tones, laced with fake regret, telling anybody who is willing to listen that "he was 'SAYANG'"?

I know it is difficult. I am being discriminated as I am, for being FAT, which I know I can change.

But what about being GAY? You simply cannot change being gay. It is not a switch you can simply turn off. It is NOT a choice. It is what we ARE. Being discriminated for being gay is like being discriminated for being ASIAN, for being BLACK, for being a JEW, for being MUSLIM, for being CRIPPLE, for being BLIND, for being WHAT YOU ARE.

To all my bothers and sisters who are experiencing discrimination in any shape or form, I tell you this.

IT GETS BETTER.

Its certainly difficult to believe that everything will be okay when you are in such a dark place right now. But believe me, it will get better.

You might feel alone right now, but you are not. There are millions of us who are still in the dark, trying to find our way out. Don't lose hope. Reach out, and you might just hold someone else's hand, who is also looking for the right path.

Amidst the tears and the heartaches and the hardships, there will always be smiles and laughter and happiness.

Keep smiling. Keep your chin up. And keep the flame burning bright.

You are not alone. You are loved.

I guess we all know that it is a universally accepted fact that appearances can be deceiving. Yet somehow, almost always, people assume that I'm something that I am most definitely not. One look at me, and the gears in their brains start turning. But most often than not, they are proven wrong. Sometimes its just funny, but most often then not, it is annoying as hell. Some examples are as follows:

- People think I am a snob.

I can't blame you. When I look at myself in the mirror in the morning, even I get scared. And even when I'm cleaned up, I still look mean.

And now that I have a mohawk, I look like I'm about to make victims out of innocent little babies. And that's just me trying to look "nice".

But seriously, I am not mean... Sometimes.

Kidding.

I may look mean maybe because I am huge (and this is NOT a sexual pun) and have this "annoyed bitch face" ON at all times. But do try to talk to me (and if you are attractive, make sure to leave your number) and I won't bite. Unless if I like you and you are into that thing... (now THIS is a sexual pun. but you didn't probably need my help in pointing that one out. i will shut up now...)

- People think that I am just another flaming faggot.

Well, I AM a flaming faggot. But what is wrong with being such? Being flamboyant doesn't mean I will go out and eat you and your family alive like a deranged zombie. It doesn't mean that I will rub off my flamboyant-ness on you and turn you gay. If you think being gay is an infestation and if that is how YOU think the world works, then clearly it is not me who needs help. I like to keep the flames of my faggotry burning brightly, thank you very much, and no bigot will keep me from being who I am.

Seriously. I have met a LOT of people claiming to be cool with the whole gay thing, but are like "Whoah man, don't go there, I'm not gay or anything." and this was coming from a guy who I was just trying to offer a cigarette! The nerve! Not all gays are after you! We are not as penis-hungry as you think we are!

 - People think that I am a promiscuous hoar.

1. Thanks. If you only knew. My sex life is as arid as the Australian Outback. It is as desolate as Somalia. It is in so much need of help that UN should start sending relief efforts. Angelina Jolie would probably want to adopt kids from it. Although I hope she brings Brad Pitt too.

2. You are giving me too much credit. Although I may look like a bitch, but when this bitch goes home at night (and sometimes this bitch breaks dawn),  this bitch goes home ALONE.

3. I wish.

 - People think I am shallow.

Yes. I am shallow. There. You win. PHBBBT! >:P

 - People think I am childish.

...See above.

 - People think I am funny.

I'm not funny. Although I try to be funny, and then miserably fail. Then the awkwardness comes in. And THEN it becomes funny. But I'm still not funny.

 - People think I am a voracious eater.

Yes. I will not even attempt to lie about it. Food is my addiction (together with Japanese Porn and RH). Honest. I will love you forever if you go out and food trip with me. Ginabot, kwek-kwek, siomai, lartian bbq, urgello bbq with the super yummy hot sauce, liempo. Those are a few of my favorite things. Thinking about it makes me get up and sing. While eating. And spinning around Marry Poppins style. Oh and CAKES too. Yum...

 - People think I am dumb.

Not as dumb as they are. Meh. Peons. What do they know. Hahaha! But seriously, I am blessed (or cursed, depends on the perspective) with really intelligent and witty friends. If I am being smartass about something, blame THEM. Although I can never compare to my friends. I am just the laughing track. But I'm still the prettiest. ^_^

AAAaand the list goes on.

People may think a lot of words to name me, to box me in, but I do not care. I am defined by what I am, what I do, and what I believe. NOT by what other people say about me. I will let them assume all they want. So let them come and talk about me. In my face, or behind my back.

Kevs.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Well, that's all right because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well, that's all right because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie. 

Like a moth to the flame, I always fall. Deep, hard, fast. With naivete and wonder I reach out, mesmerized by the light. But with fire, when you get too close, you burn. Pain rushes through, to the very edges of my being. Excruciating. Scarring. And yet I always manage to burn myself again and again. Never learning my lesson.

 

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Well, that's all right because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well, that's all right because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie.

 

You had all the right cards, I was on the loosing end. You said all the right words, and I was all ears. Riding on my insecurity, you pushed yourself in. Manipulative. Calculating. Villainous. But you were there for me. I loved every minute of it.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Well, that's all right because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry? Well, that's all right because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie.

Sweet nectar laced with poison, this is what you are. Giving me joy. Killing me. Ecstasy surging thought my veins every time you hold me, kiss me. You gave to me what you were willing to give. I gave to you my all. I offered you my soul, you wanted more.

It's 6am Wednesday morning. I still haven't slept and my sinuses are on the verge of nuclear meltdown. There is nothing left for me to do but crash into bed but I had a feeling that I had to check a couple of blogs before I sleep. And surprise, surprise! Jessica Zafra had something interesting in store for her readers.

Shown above is the result I got after putting some paragraphs of my work on to a text analyzer, to which it would tell you who among the famous authors of lore you write like. The intriguing site could be accessed by clicking the link on the badge above OR you could click HERE.

His name really did not ring any bells (and YET I try to be a writer. For shame.) so I tried Googling his name. Trusting Wikipedia, I ventured forth and immersed myself in their article on the said author:

"Sri Lankabhimanya Sir Arthur Charles Clarke, CBE, FRAS (16 December 1917 – 19 March 2008) was a British science fiction author, inventor, and futurist, most famous for the novel 2001: A Space Odyssey, written in parallel of the script for the eponymous film, co-written with film-director Stanley Kubrick; and as a host and commentator in the British television series Mysterious World. For many years, Robert A. Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, and Arthur C. Clarke were known as the "Big Three" of science fiction."

So he made 2001: A Space Odyssey. That's nice. But then again I was more of a fan of the Fantasy genre. Reading on the rest of the article, a certain tidbit of information piqued my interest:

"On a trip to Florida in 1953 Clarke met and quickly married Marilyn Mayfield, a 22-year-old American divorcee with a young son. They separated permanently after six months, although the divorce was not finalised until 1964. "The marriage was incompatible from the beginning", says Clarke. Clarke never remarried but was close to Leslie Ekanayake, who died in 1977. In his biography of Stanley Kubrick, John Baxter cites Clarke's homosexuality as a reason why Clarke relocated, due to more tolerant laws in regards to homosexuality in Sri Lanka. Journalists who inquired of Clarke whether he was gay were told, "No, merely mildly cheerful." However, Michael Moorcock has written

Everyone knew he was gay. In the 1950s I'd go out drinking with his boyfriend. We met his proteges, western and eastern, and their families: people who had only the most generous praise for his kindness. Self-absorbed he might be, and a teetotaller, but an impeccable gent through and through.

Moorcook's assertion is not supported by other reports, although in an interview in the July 1986 issue of Playboy magazine, Clarke stated "Of course. Who hasn't?" when asked if he has had bisexual experiences."

So, we DO have something in common, other than our peculiar way of writing. Perhaps he was also a chronic procrastinator, but I doubt it. I will look into that later. At least he was featured in Playboy.

Thanks to Jessica Zafra for making my shitty and nasally painful day into a not-so shitty and nasally painful day.

May you have a great afterlife, Mr. Clarke. And I promise, I will read your book. Soon.

I wonder what he liked... Twinks or daddies? I prefer daddies.

Tomorrow is President-Elect Noy's induction into the Office of the President. It is official. Starting tomorrow.

It will be the start of change. For good or bad, we will still have to see. But it IS change.

I did not think myself to be someone who would be affected with the result as to who will win the elections, or be interested in politics per se. I was just your normal, apathetic non-citizen who just lives in his own shell, unconcerned with what happens outside his comfort zone. But ever since I went to make myself be counted and registered for the 2010 Elections, change happened. I became concerned. I felt that my opinion mattered. I actually have a voice. My decision will have an effect on how my country will be run for the next six years.

Other changes happened in me too. I began to see things in a different light. I began to appreciate people around me more, things that I valued before started to loose their glitter. It is not just because I registered for the Elections that made me aware of these things magically, but I have just realized that all these changes in me have become more apparent ever since my decision to be part of something that is truly worthwhile. It was MY decision to have a voice. MY initiative. (Although I do have to give credit to my dad and sister Bing for prodding me in the right direction, but they know that if I didn't want to do it, I really would not budge an inch)

It seemed that at the age of 26, I was slowly becoming an adult.

Elections came and went, and to cut the long story short, my bet did NOT win. Although a lot of people believed in him, a lot more were enamored with the thought that Noy would save us all. From what, I do not know, but in the end, the Yellow Army won.

I was hurt. Still am. I am hurt because this is the first time that I was able to let my voice be heard, and yet it was still drowned out. I was hurt because I honestly believed that my bet will be able to do his best to bring GOOD change despite all the shit that this country is neck deep in. But being bitter about it will not be helpful, so I will desist. But I will never stop believing in that one person who made me believe.

Which brings us to a point that not all things happen the way you hoped it would be. I probably will not get that dream job no matter how much I wish on shooting stars and mass produce my resume. I will probably stay single forever even though I have tried my best to be pleasant in my umpteenth coffee date. I will most likely be fat for the rest of my life despite all the diets I go through. I know all these things.

But what is the point in wallowing on my own (or this country's) sorrows? Wouldn't it be healthier if I just get my ass off the ground, dust myself off, and try again? Easier said than done.

Eventually, we will all have to move forward. Eventually we will all have to get on with our lives. Eventually I will, too. For now, though, I will have to try very hard to get up from this shithole I'm in because wallowing in all the anger and resentment and bitterness feels so good.

Tomorrow is President-Elect Noy's induction into the Office of the President.

I will drink to his success, with my eyes trained on him like a hawk eying prey. I will wish him good luck, for he will need all that he can get.

Noy's change will begin tomorrow. My change has already begun.

This is gonna be like my catch-up (ketchup daw o. corney) post.  I was not able to blog for a couple of weeks due to laziness, so I will write about the stuff that I have been doing for the past few weeks on this post.

So where do I start?

I celebrated my birthday last May 3 with 100 pesos in my pocket. If you think that's pathetic, well it is. At least I had enough money to go home after the "surprise" party my friends put together. I was not even planning to go out but boredom took the upper hand, and well, the rest was history.

Umm, I am kinda confused. Could you guys help me out?

Which one would you prefer? This layout or the previous layout that looked like this:

Please let me know by commenting on the box below. Your input will be most valuable.

OR you could vote on the poll I made on the right. Either which way will do. Thanks!

I heard about the event in Facebook a couple of days ago,in which I admit, piqued my interest. I have not picked up and bought a comic book in years since the advent of the internet and sites which put up comic book content online. I know, it is more like piracy, but I could hardly squeeze in additional budget for comics with my current state of destitution.

So the premise of having a comic book for free with no strings attached induced feelings akin to a kid let loose on a candy store, free to grab anything that my hands could hold on to. But I know the event rules stated that only one comic book would be given per person. Not really what I imagined, but hey, at least it's free.

The event was scheduled to start at 10 am and will end at 10 pm. Under normal circumstances, I would have been able to just sleep early on Friday night, wake up early Saturday morning, then arrive early at FullyBooked to claim the free comic book. But recently I have been having trouble sleeping at night. When I say "trouble sleeping at night" I mean I get to sleep already at around 6 am. Which will make my sleeping hours add up to a grand total of 2 hours, just to get to Ayala on time to join the queue for the free comics. And 2 hours of sleep would just mean a really bitchy version of me nursing a splitting headache, which I think would not be beneficial to everyone around me. So I just opted to not sleep at all.

After an all-night session of internet surfing, at exactly 8 am I got out of the house to commute to Ayala FullyBooked. Nothing noteworthy happened on the way there, but by the time I got to the event, there were already a couple of people lined up at the door. If I had slept or tarried for a bit, I would be joining the queue in which by the time I had arrived was already snaking its way past Starbucks. It was getting longer as the clock steadily counted to 10 am, so the guards made the people line up on the opposite side of the door so as to not disturb the people in Starbucks.

So at exactly 10 am, we were ushered in. Unfortunately we were not allowed to take pictures inside for me do document the goings-on. The organized chaos that was brewing in the queue finally was let loose inside FullyBooked as the kids, and the not-so-kids, were made to choose JUST 1 comic book from a table laden with prime goodies like Superman, Thor, Ironman, and even Archie comics. I got the Ironman/Thor title, which I think was one of the better titles in the bunch. Most of the people went upstairs to buy graphic novels and more comics, since all graphic novels are on sale with a 20% discount to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. Sadly for me I didn't have any money, so I just went out after getting my free copy, to save myself from heartbreak from seeing my favorite titles on sale.

Right after getting out of FullyBooked, as if on schedule, my head started to throb with pain. Barely finishing my cigarette, I was bound for home to enjoy my free comic book. Holding it in my hand made me feel like a kid again, with a freshly minted comic book in my fingers, gently flipping the pages, enjoying the art and wit that can only be savored from the superhero-filled pages of my childhood. Thank you very much FullyBooked for bringing to us the Free Comic Book Day to make us feel young again.

Sing to me your songs of love
Your exaltation to your sun
Sing to me your praises and joy
To your one and only heart

For I am naught but empty
I'm nothing in comparison
To the center of your being
To the beat of your drums

You oft fail to notice and never look twice
The silent cries i scream while looking at your eyes
The wound your words cut on my heart dig deeper
Oh your love for him. Oh your love for him.

For I am nothing but a fly on the wall
A silent spectator to the theater of you
I am just another ear, just another shoulder
Just another fly on the wall.

Sing to me your love and I will love you
Sing to me your hurt and I will heal you
Sing to me your tales, and hopes, and dreams
And this little fly will grant your wish

But I am nothing but a fly on the wall
A silent spectator to the theater of you
I am just another ear, just another shoulder
Just another fly on the wall.

The heat is driving me NUTS.

I usually sleep late (or early, depends on your perspective) at around 5 or 6am. And its just that time when the sun is slowly creeping up the sky that the temperature in my room suddenly rises, from normally acceptable night cool-ish temperature, to hellishly hot steam-room sweatfest. Normally I couldn't be bothered. But Cebu has this knack of unleashing hour-long blackouts (in the morning when I am usually asleep, convenience at it's best) that turn the sweatfest into sweatsunami.

And with that tidal wave of sweat drenching me from head to toe, I would have no choice but to drag my under-slept self to the shower.

The past few weeks also made me privy to different kinds of heat too. Aside from the weather wreaking havoc with global temperatures, I could definitely say that it is not JUST the weather anymore.

People are driving me crazy. I don't know, but sometimes I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and kill them on the spot. What they usually do that amused me before, annoys me to no end now. Call it PMS, or whatever. I absolutely CANNOT "take a chill pill", it will just melt on my tongue faster than I can grind Snow Bear when I'm smoking.

Isolation is driving me crazy. Having this long-overdue-since-march vacation is making me itch. Figuratively and literally. My head feels like its full of fluff, and the only time it gets sharp is when I'm playing games on my battered PS2. And even if I want to go out, I can't because I have no money because I'm jobless. Catch-22 much? AAAAAND its making me CRAZYY!!!!

Being bored is driving me NUTS! I am too bored to think about what to write anymore. Every day feels so fast when you are sleeping all the time.

God, I need a job.

To quote KimiDora: "STRESSED AKOOO! BUSY AKOOO!"

But, I'm stressed because I'm not doing anything, and I am too busy minding the heat.

Gah. >_<

GAAAH!

This is taking longer than I thought. I know I promised more frequent blogposts but then again I'm in quite a stump as what to put in here.

Finally managed to change the appearance of this blog, thanks to a certain site which managed to lodge it's web domain name on the upper left corner of my blog. But then again, its a fair trade-off, rather that than my blog looking like shit. And I have to admit, it's not bad-looking.

Might as well start with filling you guys in to what I have been doing, huh?

Well, I managed to commandeer my sister's sewing machine, but lo and behold, it has no pedal nor a power cord. How am I supposed to make my costume for May 29?

Oh, and if you are wondering what I'm gonna be doing on May 29, I will be hosting Cebu Cosplayers Club's Summer Cosplay event. If you are in Cebu, please feel free to drop by, its gonna be held in Talamban Leisure Center.

What else... Aside from being a broke bum who trolls the internet and stalk people on Facebook, I am otherwise content, being a house buddy.

I will post some other stuff soon, hopefully with pictures. And I promise more drama next time.

^_^

wow. it has been a long time since i have visited multiply to make a blogpost.

i am truly sorry if i have been inactive, if you were following my blogposts.

if this is your first time to see me post a blog, please, feel free to browse through my other posts. i do not guarantee that you will like all of it, but i do think that some of the posts you will find interesting.

its 5am and i am still awake, my mind is still racing, although the rest of my body seems to hate me for it. i'm pretty sure this is insomnia. if it isn't, then i don't know what is.

but still, welcome to my blog, for those newcomers. for the oldies, thanks for viewing and please do come again!

i have a new blogsite, its at http://flabtasticadventuresofjoejoe.blogspot.com. its still bland since it still has 2 posts, but i will be uploading some of my previous posts there together with some new material. and of course i will post new material here too.

anyway, welcome to 2010 (grabe ka late ha.) and keep on viewing!

wow. 3 months of inactivity? i have got to admit, this is pretty lousy.

well then what was the point of me making a blogger account then? just to leave it hanging like most of the important things in my life? (no penis jokes here, please.)

alright. time to make this blogger kick itself to ignition.

i will be posting here my previous posts, dotted with new blogs here and there. and when all my previous blogposts have run out, i will then continue on with my new material. i will make it a point to post AT LEAST once a week. got it?

and anyone who notices that i have been slacking off, WHACK ME IN THE HEAD. honestly.

welcome to 2010, people! and let's get this show started!